10 Thoughts on Raising Resilient Kids.To help our kids succeed, we must foster our kids' resilience by helping them learn to deal competently and successfully with the challenges of everyday life.
Here are ten fundamental guideposts along the path to developing your kids' resilience.
1. Be empathic. Recognize your children's point of view and acknowledge their feelings. You don't have to agree with everything they do or say, but try to appreciate and validate their viewpoint. When they know you're listening, they're more likely to look to you for guidance.
2. Communicate effectively and listen actively. Effective communication involves actively listening to your children, understanding what they are attempting to say and responding in ways that avoid power struggles. Help your children to understand your point of view and make a sincere effort to understand theirs.
3. Break free of negative scripts. If something you've said or done for a reasonable amount of time isn't working, think about what you can do differently. This teaches your children that there are alternative ways of solving problems and that you can learn from your mistakes.
4. Love your children in ways that help them to feel special and appreciated. Once children understand that you love them for who they are – and not simply for what they do or don't do – they develop the confidence to think for themselves and can be less susceptible to peer pressure.
5. Accept your children for who they are. One of the most difficult struggles as a parent is to accept your children as unique individuals. When this acceptance is present, you can successfully set expectations and goals consistent with your child's temperament.
6. Help your children find their islands of
competence. Let your children experience success by identifying and reinforcing those things they do especially well. Helping your children find their strengths will allow them to more easily accept and work on their weaknesses.
7. Help your children to recognize that we all learn from mistakes. Resilient children tend to view mistakes as opportunities for learning. In contrast, children who are not very hopeful often experience mistakes as an indication that they are failures. Helping your children to see life as a continuous learning process takes the fear out of trying new experiences.
8. Provide children with opportunities to contribute. Help your children develop a sense of responsibility and enhance their self-worth by providing them with opportunities to help others.
9. Teach your children to solve problems and make decisions. Help your children learn how to make decisions and to solve problems independently. Resilient children are able to define problems, consider different solutions and learn from the outcome.
10. Discipline your children in a manner that promotes self-discipline and self-worth. The ultimate goal is to nurture self-discipline so that your children act responsibly even when you're not around. Whenever possible, help your children understand the value in the lessons you teach them.
